Love doesn’t come in perfect packages, that means I qualify (Third Eye Blind)

(I actually first wrote this over a month ago but never intended to post it. It was just something that I wish I could say. However, I believe it contains a message that can resonate with others)

We look at people, maybe even hear a few things, and automatically start judging- good and/or bad.

The deepest thoughts of the mind are often hidden until the owner of those thoughts works up the courage to say something.

I’ve hidden my secret, even denied it to myself, because I felt like society was telling me that something was wrong with me. Something wrong that wasn’t okay to tell, even to my family. Something wrong that would make others uncomfortable. At some points in my life, I really did feel unlovable.

I still felt like something was unspeakably wrong with me until recently. Then I started watching videos of people with similar problems to mine. (I highly suggest you go to youtube and type in "tedxtalks mental illness") They were speaking up and saying this thing that was “wrong” was actually okay. It wasn’t something to be ashamed of, just something to go through and conquer as much as possible. In fact, by speaking up, they were feeling even better about it and some were even saving lives. These speakers made me feel that maybe what is wrong with me isn’t something I have to hide. When people get the flu, have heart disease, or have an injury they don’t feel like they have to hide it from the world. Why do I have to hide my problem?

Why suddenly, does it become wrong to talk about something that is a little “off” in the brain?

Why does admitting that I have mild chronic depression (though this has gotten better with a healthy lifestyle it is still present in my life) and social anxiety (I know I can hide it well sometimes) seem so wrong and hard?

Does this make you think of me differently? Will it make you feel uncomfortable the next time you see me? Do you now feel like this is something people should hide? Is it not okay to talk about or tell others I have it?

I hope not. I have come to realize that the little things that are off in my brain have made me a more caring and empathetic person. What’s not okay is that my problems once led me to a period that I had lost all hope, I was doing harmful things to my body, and I was taking pills I shouldn’t have been taking. This never would have happened if I had felt it was okay to talk about it. It is not okay that thousands of people have had to feel way worse than they should have because they were afraid to ask for help. Chances are you know quite a few people that have a mental disorder and don’t even know it.

 

I took advantage of a health issues art project in high school
to share how I felt with others without actually having to admit to anyone
I felt like this.
(My theme was the pain "release" from self-harm)

I don’t want to feel ashamed or afraid of my problems anymore when they have actually made me a better person. I don’t want other people to feel bad about their problems either. While my social anxiety still prevents me (at the moment) from starting an actual face to face conversation, I still want to speak up.

Actually, I want to do more than speak up….

I want to speak up AND make others feel better.

I think, over the past few weeks, the universe/God/ inner guide/ whatever you want to call it, has presented some tools my life for just this reason.

Stay tuned as I share my new journey with you.

Run Wild, Run Free,

Sandi