Monday, September 2, 2013

The Final Decision

I’ve tried to get rid of my depression plenty of times to no avail. Yet this time I KNOW it’s going to be different, mainly because I’m changing my thoughts just a bit.

 “I’m not going to back down. I’m not going to give up on the bad days. I’m going to do everything it takes to defeat this. There is NO accepting defeat and nothing will stop me.”

I feel these statements in my heart and soul.

I think that in order to be fully in a position to try and heal your mind from depression or any negative thoughts, especially naturally and spiritually, you absolutely have to feel like you have had enough and you know things can be different.

Of course, after deciding you are going to heal your mind no matter what, ALL of the crap that your mind/ego has stored is going to come up (this is normally when I give up).

The crap in my mind has definitely come up again this time around, and I may not be handling everything as gracefully as I would like, but that’s okay. Knowing that this is okay allows me to forgive myself for my negative thoughts and to not give up. This has really helped me to not believe those negative thoughts. I can see the thoughts for what they are: fake.

When I get to the point of remembering that the negative thoughts in my head aren’t true, I make sure I immediately start using the knowledge I have gained in the past couple weeks.Using the knowledge I have gained, and surrounding myself with knowledge, has been a life saver.

Before I started this journey of naturally and spiritually healing depression, I remember I was having a bad day. I was tired of having bad days and I remember clearly praying for help, hoping there is a Higher Power out there that wanted to help me. I prayed “I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m afraid of getting worse again. Help me live happier. I can’t do this on my own. I need all the help I can get.”

I didn’t realize it at first but this prayer has been answered, though maybe not in the way I expected.

Since I don’t have a TV, I turned to TedxTalk videos when I felt like watching something. One day I went on to YouTube and in the “Recommended for you” section was a TedxTalk called How to be a Miracle Worker. The lecturer was Gabrielle Bernstein and I enjoyed the video but then stopped thinking about it. Then a week or two later Gabrielle popped up again. I don’t remember how but I remember learning that Oprah called Gabrielle a top spiritual leader for this generation. I started listening to Gabrielle’s lectures and reading her books. This has then led me to learn about Marianne Williamson who is an amazing author (Oprah says Return to Love is a must read) and spiritual activist, and I have requested her books from the library. It has also led me to study from Dr. Lissa Rankin who wrote the book Mind over Medicine. I don’t want to go on too much so I’ll just throw out some things I have been led to that you can look up: Kris Carr (for awesome health), The Daily Love (Facebook page and website), guided meditations that focus on certain things, Tara Stiles (Yoga teacher), finding free yoga in Boulder,  the book E-squared, and tons more. Also, I have heard of Deepak Chopra before but I want to add him here as I think some people will relate to him maybe more so than Gabrielle. I’m learning that people like Gabrielle Bernstein, Deepak Chopra, Gandhi, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, Mother Teresa, etc. all have the same message at heart, they just put them differently to relate to different people.  

I have literally surrounded myself with knowledge that I can’t get enough of. Every chance I get, and definitely every day (this really helps me stay on track), I try to learn more. As the saying goes, knowledge is power, and the knowledge I have gained has allowed me to realize the power my mind has.

So basically, if you have made the ultimate decision to change the way you think, whether you want to heal your mind from depression or just live better, I very strongly encourage you to surround yourself with all the knowledge you can.

I’ll try to help share some of the knowledge that has helped me as well. Expect posts about these subjects (and plenty more) coming soon: Mantras, meditation, natural mood enhancer supplements, spirituality (no judgement please), and how to handle well-meant (but upsetting) comments from people who don’t understand depression.

If you are on your 40 day journey and having trouble, start posting positive mantras everywhere! On a mirror, as an alert on your phone, on your computer, on your fridge, or wherever you can think of.

Here is another example of a mantra I use for body image: “I am not my body. I am free.” (from Grabrielle Bernstein)

Lastly, Rachel and I, as usual, are both on similar chapters of our live's so if you want more on this blog topic check out her blog:

Run Wild, Run Happy,


Courage is the story to tell who you are with your whole heart – Brene Brown


  1. Sandi, keep your head up, you're doing awesome! Breathe, run, yoga! Positive people around, positive quotes!

  2. I'm currently reading "Fear: Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm," by Thich Nhat Hanh. After 30 years of this battle, I'm finding the Buddhist approach very helpful. Keep going, Sandi. Never forget -DEPRESSION LIES!

    1. I'll have to add that book to my reading list. Thank you!

  3. Tough time for me personally right now so it is perhaps serendipitous how you are bringing this topic up. I am really trying(perhaps not hard enough) but with lots of changes especially out of my comfort zone, can get overwhelming. Just read a post by Geoff Roes and he said "keep faith, practice patience, keep moving forward." A mantra I will focus on.


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