"It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing... I want to know
if you can be with joy,
mine or your own,
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful,
to be realistic,
to remember the limitations
of being human." -Oriah
(Something to listen to as you read- it's my all time favorite song)
I feel like I almost subconsciously asked for a year of struggling. It was really nice having started off my ultra- running career so well, but I have always loved a story about someone overcoming obstacle after obstacle, struggle after struggle, and then perseveres at the end. After already overcoming many huge (to me anyway) struggles in my life, I was really hoping to not have to go through many struggles with running, my safe place. But of course, life never stops handing over tests of mental strength. In this story, I will have to become my own heroine. TNF 50 showed me I’m slowly getting back up on my feet, but I have a lot to work on from big things to small things- like to stop being an idiot when it comes to eating in ultras and actually get in enough calories (in my own defense I’m allergic to gluten and so it really sucks when aid stations don’t have gels like at TNF and then I can only fit a few in my carry-on liquid/gel bag). For those of you who I have told about suffering from very low iron from the beginning of the year till recently- my iron level rose by 30 which puts me on the low-normal side and my ferritin level is still a bit low. Hopefully that will continue to improve as well, as that has really hurt (huge understatement) my running this year.
The North Face 50
So while I sit here typing this, I can’t help but feel a little sad of everything I sacrificed this year in hopes of reaching my dreams. However, as always, I still believe I will one day soar, and that everything happens for a reason. For instance (for those who follow my blogs regularly) me worrying that I wouldn't have a place to live when it got below freezing has led me to living in a place for free without a lease, and not moving to Durango in September like I had wanted has definitely led to some interesting, and I think good, turns. I also can't help feel a little proud that I have handled things this year better than I ever had in the past. I love running, how it has changed my life, and I will do absolutely everything I can to reach my dreams. Till that day, I will keep dreaming of running on trails all over the world, and I will fly the best that I can on the trails and through the trials before me.
“One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.”
If all goes well this will be me again come spring
HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! Ohioans hit me up for a run in the CVNP in a few weeks.
(Please look back on my previous blog about women's oppression. Some of the stories I wrote about really show what a tough woman is.)
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato