Confessions of a...

This is probably the best, most relate-able, and honest video's I've seen.

More people need to be talking about it.

I Wish You Would Step Back From That Ledge My Friend

In Honor of Suicide Prevention Day- 9/10

One of my favorite assignments that I had in high school was when I got to pick a decently known song and then research why the artist(s) wrote the song.

I picked the song Jumper, by Third Eye Blind.

It’s a song almost everyone knows, and can even belt out some of the lyrics too.

“I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend, 
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in, 
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand."

Sadly, the person who the song is about didn’t step back. He jumped.

The main reason why he jumped was because he was gay.

Actually that’s not the right way to put it. He was gay and his family and the people around him believed that that wasn't acceptable. Knowing he couldn’t change, he jumped off a bridge.

“The angry boy, a bit too insane, 
Icing over a secret pain, 
You know you don't belong…”

I don’t know the person who jumped, but I’m sad he did. My best friend since 4^th grade came out in a catholic school in 8^th grade that he was gay, and he faced many challenges for it. I saw his pain and tears, but then I witnessed his power first hand. As I faced problems with depression and who I was at that time, he stood by my side, and reminded me that being myself was perfect. But what really amazes me about him is this:  We entered high school together and I saw how people would treat him differently and guys would try to distance themselves from him. He took it all in stride and continued to be his loud, blunt, energetic, and deeply caring self. I sensed how my peers respected this, and their opinions started to change. By the time I was a senior my friend single handedly changed how the entire school saw him and other people who were gay. Others weren’t so afraid to come out, and people weren’t afraid to be friends with people who were gay. It was an honor to witness this and see what one person could do.

This is why suicide MUST be prevented. We can’t lose people with so much positive power. We need to show them they can help change their community and the world.

As a society, we need to be more understanding of others. We must not be afraid to talk to those who are hurting. We need to show how much we care, even if someone seems “different” than us.

I know those of you who are reading this are the people who do care. Shine your light in darkness. All anybody really wants is love. We all have enough love to give, and with that we can prevent suicide.

So happy this wonderful friend was able to get around
the people who didn't understand him and shine his light.
In turn, he got others to shine their own light.
We can ALL do the same.

For more info on suicide prevention a great place to start is the non-profit To Write Love on Her Arms: 

http://twloha.com/vision

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend, 
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in, 
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand. 
I would understand, 
The angry boy, a bit too insane, 
Icing over a secret pain, 
You know you don't belong, 
You're the first to fight, You're way too loud, 
You're the flash of light, On a burial shroud, 
I know something's wrong, 
Well everyone I know has got a reason, To say, put the past away, 
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend, 
You could cut ties with all the lies, That you've been living in, 
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand, 
I would understand. 
Well he's on the table, And he's gone to code, 
And I do not think anyone knows, 
What they are doing here, 
And your friends have left, You've been dismissed, 
I never thought it would come to this, And I, I want you to know, 
Everyone's got to face down the demons, 
Maybe today, We can put the past away, 
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend, 
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in, 
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand, 
I would understand, 
I would understand... 
Can you put the past away, I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend, 
I would understand

To see a person's darkness or see their light...

"Remember you have a choice in what you see. If you choose to see a person's darkness, you strengthen your darkness within. If you choose to see their light, you shine from the inside out." -Gabrielle Bernstein

Mantra Madness!!!

I have entered a phase which I have named Mantra Madness (I know, I know, it’s catchy.) I wake up to saying a mantra, I say a mantra whenever I have a negative thought, and sometimes I say a mantra just because the moments seems right. Mantras have become my personal defense against negativity. They don’t always make things better instantly, but they do help if I allow them to.

 (If you heard of and believe in the Law of Attraction, mantras can aid with “attracting.”)

For the most part, I have a couple mantras that I really find helpful that I have memorized and repeat to myself whenever needed and sometimes during meditation. I also have plenty of mantras on specific topics that I have written down in a little book that I look up when needed. Additionally, I have mantras posted in different places so I’m constantly reminded to think positively throughout the day.

You can put mantras as alerts on your phone, on your computer, by a mirror, on your fridge, by a picture (good for relationships), etc.

Here are some mantras I have learned. Just take what is fitting for you.

(If I didn’t write who I got the mantra from, it’s from Gabrielle Bernstein. )

To help with difficult situations:

I could see peace instead of this… –A Course in Miracles

I choose see love instead fear.

I choose to see this differently.

Body Affirmations:

I am not my body. I am free.

I am grateful for my body.

I turn my perception of my body to my inner guide. Show me what you’ve got.

I am beautiful inside and out- (me)

I am grateful for my body because…  -(me)

Relationships:

I do not judge. I choose to see (name’s) light and see him/her with love. –(me)

Losing weight:

I’m losing weight and feel great.  (I didn’t come up with this and I don’t remember where it came from)

Money/ Abundance:

I am grateful for what I have and I welcome all the gifts this day will bring.

Running:

Fast and strong, I run with joy. –(me)

I feel light as I run uphill –(me)

Mind/Body Healing:

My body heals as my mind heals. –(me)

My mind is healing every moment. –(me)

There are tons and tons of mantras out there. Feel free to look up mantras on any subject. Also, you can do what I did and make up mantras yourself. Sometimes this is the best thing to do as they might be more powerful to you.

Additionally, if there is an inspiring quote you like, they can act as mantras or good daily reminders as well. As you can see on the top of my blog there is always a positive quote. I also try to read the quote I posted last week by Marianne Williamson as often as I can too. Today I heard another awesome quote by Mary Oliver:

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

I actually heard this quoted in a TedxTalk video by Diana Nyad, the 64 year old woman who just became the first person to swim the 110 miles from Cuba to China. She tried 4 other times previously. What a great example to never give up! (Sorry for getting off track but I had to mention her.)

If you have any mantras you would like to share, please do so in a comment below. I'd love to hear from you.

Stay in the present,

Sandi

The Final Decision

I’ve tried to get rid of my depression plenty of times to no avail. Yet this time I KNOW it’s going to be different, mainly because I’m changing my thoughts just a bit.

 “I’m not going to back down. I’m not going to give up on the bad days. I’m going to do everything it takes to defeat this. There is NO accepting defeat and nothing will stop me.”

I feel these statements in my heart and soul.

I think that in order to be fully in a position to try and heal your mind from depression or any negative thoughts, especially naturally and spiritually, you absolutely have to feel like you have had enough and you know things can be different.

Of course, after deciding you are going to heal your mind no matter what, ALL of the crap that your mind/ego has stored is going to come up (this is normally when I give up).

The crap in my mind has definitely come up again this time around, and I may not be handling everything as gracefully as I would like, but that’s okay. Knowing that this is okay allows me to forgive myself for my negative thoughts and to not give up. This has really helped me to not believe those negative thoughts. I can see the thoughts for what they are: fake.

When I get to the point of remembering that the negative thoughts in my head aren’t true, I make sure I immediately start using the knowledge I have gained in the past couple weeks.Using the knowledge I have gained, and surrounding myself with knowledge, has been a life saver.

Before I started this journey of naturally and spiritually healing depression, I remember I was having a bad day. I was tired of having bad days and I remember clearly praying for help, hoping there is a Higher Power out there that wanted to help me. I prayed “I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m afraid of getting worse again. Help me live happier. I can’t do this on my own. I need all the help I can get.”

I didn’t realize it at first but this prayer has been answered, though maybe not in the way I expected.

Since I don’t have a TV, I turned to TedxTalk videos when I felt like watching something. One day I went on to YouTube and in the “Recommended for you” section was a TedxTalk called How to be a Miracle Worker. The lecturer was Gabrielle Bernstein and I enjoyed the video but then stopped thinking about it. Then a week or two later Gabrielle popped up again. I don’t remember how but I remember learning that Oprah called Gabrielle a top spiritual leader for this generation. I started listening to Gabrielle’s lectures and reading her books. This has then led me to learn about Marianne Williamson who is an amazing author (Oprah says Return to Love is a must read) and spiritual activist, and I have requested her books from the library. It has also led me to study from Dr. Lissa Rankin who wrote the book Mind over Medicine. I don’t want to go on too much so I’ll just throw out some things I have been led to that you can look up: Kris Carr (for awesome health), The Daily Love (Facebook page and website), guided meditations that focus on certain things, Tara Stiles (Yoga teacher), finding free yoga in Boulder,  the book E-squared, and tons more. Also, I have heard of Deepak Chopra before but I want to add him here as I think some people will relate to him maybe more so than Gabrielle. I’m learning that people like Gabrielle Bernstein, Deepak Chopra, Gandhi, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, Mother Teresa, etc. all have the same message at heart, they just put them differently to relate to different people.  

I have literally surrounded myself with knowledge that I can’t get enough of. Every chance I get, and definitely every day (this really helps me stay on track), I try to learn more. As the saying goes, knowledge is power, and the knowledge I have gained has allowed me to realize the power my mind has.

So basically, if you have made the ultimate decision to change the way you think, whether you want to heal your mind from depression or just live better, I very strongly encourage you to surround yourself with all the knowledge you can.

I’ll try to help share some of the knowledge that has helped me as well. Expect posts about these subjects (and plenty more) coming soon: Mantras, meditation, natural mood enhancer supplements, spirituality (no judgement please), and how to handle well-meant (but upsetting) comments from people who don’t understand depression.

If you are on your 40 day journey and having trouble, start posting positive mantras everywhere! On a mirror, as an alert on your phone, on your computer, on your fridge, or wherever you can think of.

Here is another example of a mantra I use for body image: “I am not my body. I am free.” (from Grabrielle Bernstein)

Lastly, Rachel and I, as usual, are both on similar chapters of our live's so if you want more on this blog topic check out her blog: http://rachelnypaver.blogspot.com/2013/09/committing-to-life-my-daily-reminder-to.html

Run Wild, Run Happy,

Sandi

Courage is the story to tell who you are with your whole heart – Brene Brown

Helping a Loved One with Depression

In my journey with depression I have been all too aware of how it has affected my relationships. I realize it not only makes me sad, but can hurt those around me, which in turn makes me feel even worse.

I don’t have any magic words on how to deal with loved ones suffering from depression, but I can give you suggestions based on what I have experienced.

                My first suggestion, if you haven’t already, is to do your research on depression. Find out what it is, read stories of people who have it, and ask your loved one how it feels. Ask your loved one if there is anything that makes it worse, what thoughts go through their head, when it started, is there something that can help them feel better, etc. Try to be mindful of when the right time is to have this conversation. I know for me personally, I have a bad tendency to “shut down” and not want to talk when depression is hitting me hard. While sometimes talking through it does help me, sometimes it’s just better if I have some space to work through it in my own head. Please, do not feel hurt if your loved one is not ready to talk. Just let them know that you’re ready to listen whenever they are ready. I would also be careful of asking “what’s wrong?”, as sometimes there really isn’t anything wrong. Sometimes a person with depression just feels bad, and they feel guilty when they don’t have a specific reason of why they’re upset.  

                My second suggestion is to check your own thoughts and make sure you think of depression as a challenge that some strong people have to overcome in order to find their true happiness and purpose in life. Learn to believe that part of the reason your loved one has been placed in your life is so that you may become a better human being as well.  It will be very hard to do this at first, but learn to be thankful that you have been entrusted with the courageous job of helping someone deal with depression.  I feel very strongly about this belief as it is the way people will stop feeling “ashamed” that they have depression and it will allow people to feel safe to talk about it. The ability to feel safe about talking about depression is a big step towards learning how to feel better.

                My third suggestion is to take care of yourself when your loved one is having a “bad day.” I feel absolutely terrible when my depression starts affecting those I love and I know it does. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, take care of yourself. Letting yourself feel bad is not going to help anyone.  Understand that your loved one’s depression is not your fault. Do what you need to stay positive. Only then can you be truly helpful. (If you are spiritual, imagine a white or golden light around yourself, and say a small prayer for you and your loved one for guidance. I really believe this can help you and your loved one.)

                My last suggestion is never give up on your loved one and always believe that depression can be healed. It is only in this belief that depression can be healed, no matter how long or hard the struggle is. Always keep depression an open subject and when the moments are right, help your loved one find help, as the solution does not lie in you. Do not put that pressure on yourself. You can only do what you can to help. To help your loved one find help is tricky, but trust yourself. Just by reading this you are helping. Maybe even showing your loved one my past blogs is helping. You were entrusted to help this person for a reason. Trust that what needs to come your way to help will come when you and/or your loved one is ready.

Thank you so much for your courage, love, and strength as you support your loved one on their journey with depression. Even when it doesn’t seem like it, you are appreciated and loved.

'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?

Below is a quote I have heard the beginning of many times. However I have never heard what came after or knew who wrote it. Today I discovered it was said by someone I admire, Marianne Williamson, who everyday puts love and peace in the world. She is even heroically trying to bring this into politics by being a founder of The Peace Alliance: http://www.thepeacealliance.org/


“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. (feel free to replace God with Love if it makes you more comfortable)Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 
― Marianne Williamson, Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

              After reading this quote in full, I knew I was meant to hear it and share it. My "urge" to stop playing it small, has allowed me to share my journey while I'm trying to battle depression to better serve the world. Consequently, I have already seen that by shining my light, others are doing the same.


While I'm at it trying to "shine my light" I thought I'd share some pictures. :)

Twin Moose

Paintings for the Continental Divide Trail Race in Steamboat Springs

Maroon Bells